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If you are hotter than me, wouldn’t that make me cooler than you.
Smile at the people who hate you. It makes them wonder what you`re up to. :)
Never judge a whiskey by its drinker.
My mind is exceptionally quiet.... I am suspicious that I am up to something I don`t want myself to know about.
When I`m really bored at work I like to write "I`m watching you" on the toilet paper a few squares in just to mess with people.
I really like my new electric toothbrush, even though sometimes, I still break out the acoustic.
Don`t do it in the Garden, they say love is blind but ur neighbor ain`t.
Just stepped on the scale. Now I have to replace a broken window and add $467 to the curse word jar.
Don`t get me wrong, Chinese food is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe that a chicken fried this rice.
If one teacher cannot teach every subject, then how come one student is expected to learn all the subjects.
Siri, where are my pants?
I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I`m making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.
My weight loss goal is to not care about the crumbs at the bottom of a Pringles can.
Soon ovens will come with webcams and wireless connections so that posting photos of your dinner will be even easier.
My stove top knob reads, LO | 2 | 4 | 6 | 8 | 10 | HI......so what is Med-High, Medium Low?...They just need to lay it out for me in numbers! Like "set stove top to 8." no wait, 9.? Food manufacturerers and stove manufactuerers need to get toghether on this! So let me see,..... (me thinking)....if ten is high...5 is medium that means 7.5..... WAIT!.....low would be 0 so HI would be 12???....WTF!!! forget about simmer!........HEY KIDS! WHO WANTS PIZZA!