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what does bgif mean on a friday night ? ... boobs go in front
Free will is good, but free pizza is better.
The recipe I am making says to chill for 30 minutes so I`m sitting back and having a margarita!
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
When it comes to tantrums, I throw like a girl.
I´m on a whisky diet. I´ve lost three days already!
What kind of jerk makes an anti-anxiety pill difficult to break in half?
Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration and 2% attention to detail.
Found out today you`re supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at the waffle house... just trying to help.
I’d be 100x more motivated if Samuel L. Jackson yelled at me to get things done.
Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the “Like” button.
Give me a fish & I`ll cook you dinner. Teach me to fish & I`ll just be sitting there in the boat with you getting drunk.
My life has a surprising lack of dance battles.
I just want to point out that I am an Amazon Prime member so it`s about time you guys started treating me with a little respect.
My sister borrowed my favorite shirt without asking again, so I changed her Facebook profile picture to a positive Clearblue pregnancy test.