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All I`m saying is that the cheese grater wouldn`t have 4 sides if they wanted you to wash it after every use.
Some of the best decisions I’ve ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send.
More often than not, the excitement of a Facebook friend request dies upon discovering who it is.
Parents: Where are you going at this time of the night all dressed up like a slut? Daughter: To the bathroom, I need a new Facebook picture.
Call me faithless, but I just can`t believe three guys would travel that far on camels to throw a baby shower.
Had a nice, relaxing weekend. I now have ample energy to hate Monday and most of Tuesday.
I used to be a terrible flirt ... I am much better at it now.
It`s a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships.
I`d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!
That awkward moment when you realise you have way more internet friends than real friends.
Do whatever you want, and if it`s something you`re going to regret in the morning, sleep late.
I`m so bitchy right now ... I won`t even talk to myself!!
Have you ever held your money and thought "I hope this hasn´t been up a stripper´s butt"
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but i turned myself around and THAT`S what it`s all about
New Game: Attach a mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.