Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hope Mexico doesn`t raise the cost of Tequila to pay for this wall.
Oh Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind. Hey Mickey. Hey Hey Mickey!..face it you didn’t read that, you sang it.
The average fight between men lasts 3 minutes. The average fight between women lasts 17 years.
I`ve been knocking for ten minutes. Don`t people answer their bathroom windows anymore?
’Friday’ is my second favourite word starting from the letter `F`. :)
"Just Be yourself" is something I rarely hear from people who know me well.
I might not be "Smarter Than a 5th Grader", but I can buy booze! Booyah!
I feel it`s important for you to know, no matter what I`m faced with and when given the option, I am that guy who will send you a voice-mail marked confidential.
Plot twist: WebMD says you`re just thirsty
Is it just me or is waking up at 3am and trying to read a text message like looking directly into the sun?
Your mother never saw the irony in calling you son of a bitch.
It’s always a special moment when you finally get to hear those three words you’ve been waiting for……. “Your order’s ready.”
I`d love to have kids one day. Two days, tops.
Parenting is a lot like the bar scene: Everyone`s yelling, everything`s sticky, it`s the same music over and over again and occasionally someone pukes somewhere they
Whenever I feel that someone is about to sneeze I yell “PIKA!” & they’re like “CHU!”. I don’t have any friends.