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As I said before, I never repeat myself.
I`m one more bottle of wine away from starting a blog.
Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push
Is there a way to politely throw breathe mints in someone`s mouth while they`re talking?
I met this girl in a club last night, I think she’s a body builder. She just so happened to build hers using chips.
Due to the weather, I was able to use the words "wet and slippery" at work all day without anyone thinking I`m a big perv.
I could be a morning person if morning happened after 11.
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they look.
I like to go to the bar and flip peoples license plates upside down, then go home and listen to my scanner.
Boobs are like friends. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real. Some are fake. And some are just so fantastic you want everyone to meet them.
I fell asleep at the wheel smh, time to turn Mario Kart off and go to bed.
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the bitch that they claim I am.
Your silent treatment should be accompanied by a disappearing act.
If I could have a superpower, it would be the ability to watch people workout and then absorb their health benefits...
When people see ghosts, why aren`t they naked? Do clothes die and become ghosts too?