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I hate when I accidentally say "I love you" instead of "I`m biologically driven to want to reproduce with you and I`m temporarily delusional."
I try to avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they are in the middle of a race.
I thought the voices in my head actually liked me until I found out they learned sign language just so they could talk sh*t about me.
When people with multiple personality disorders are about to die, whose life flashes before their eyes?
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k ... I don`t think I can run that far
NO, I didn`t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.
Car sex is not fun...that tailpipe BURNS
I don’t care if we don’t talk, your existence still pisses me off.
I just bought an answering machine! What should I ask it?
I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.
Mom in poetic mood ....Asked me to express emptiness .... I showed her my wallet ........ n m cheek still burns .... :-p :-p
Sometimes I think I’m too picky. Then I watch my dog look for a place to poop.
Hey mother in law.... Don`t tell me how to raise my kids. Im still trying to raise yours.
Kids today will never appreciate how difficult it used to be finding pictures of naked people.
I`m going to stop off at the fabric store before my next status to get some new material!