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is cuddling up with a good book and a cup of tea. Ah, who am I kidding... I´m looking at Hustler and having a beer.
Why is it that everyone you hate has such a better job than you?
I let a girl go through my phone recently so a colonoscopy really doesn’t scare me anymore.
They don`t seem to abduct humans like they used to; looks like we are not the only planet with government science-funding budget cuts.
When people ask me if I’m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they’re hurting hard or hardly hurting.
High fiving was the original "like".
I like to say, "Well, enough with the small talk" before anyone has a chance to speak.
I had to go on two diets because one wasn`t giving me enough food.
I’m tired of chasing my dreams, I`m just going to ask them where their going and meet them there later.
everyone has that one crazy person in there family...but in my case everyone is just as crazy as i am!XD
The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza…
Young enough to know I can. Old enough to know I shouldn`t. Stupid enough to do it anyway.
I drive safer when there`s food on my passenger seat than when there`s a person sitting there.
I don`t understand the saying "you snooze you lose"... I hit the snooze button 8 times this morning and feel like a champion.
My goal weight is,"someone give that girl a cheeseburger."