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Waffles are just pancakes with abs.
When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the person wearing pajamas in public is doing.
People who are offended by offensive things offend me.
The statement ‘Hey! Calm down!’ has a zero to no success rate of getting someone to calm down.
If you sneeze near an atheist, they just say "science appreciates you".
I`m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out I`ll pop open the red and drink that.
It’s not that I don’t want kids, it’s just that I don’t want a minivan.
Synonym: Word used in place of the one you can`t spell.
First thing I do in the morning: Look at the clock and hope I have more time to sleep.
Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Other times we just snuggle.
Why do people say ``I saw it with my own eyes." Do they sometimes use other peoples eyes?
I´m not insensitive, I just don´t care.
Pretty much the most frightening part of my day is when I get a notification that my mother has tagged me in a post on Facebook.
Question everything...Or should you?
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell. :)