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My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life.
I love therapy sessions because I get to cry for an hour. It usually freaks out my patient, though.
As I get older my tastes are changing, for instance I used to not like brussels sprouts but now I don`t like people.
Eat breakfast: Check...Pay Phone: Check...Conquer the world: Still Pending...
Why are Doctors so afraid of apples?
Roses are red, violets are blue, sandwiches are tasty, rhyming is hard
exercise........you mean extra fries
I`m surprised kids haven`t found a way to trick or treat online yet
one day a man seen a fairy, and asked.... could you make me irresistible to all women.... so she turned him into a credit card. :`D
How to Train Your Dragon offers no practical dragon training information. NONE. Zero stars.
If the universe didn`t want me to eat four pop-tarts for breakfast I wouldn`t have four slots on my toaster...
I start every morning with a simple affirmation: I will not murder anyone today.
The trick to farting in an elevator is wearing a suit. No one ever suspects the guy in the suit.
Women say childbirth is the most painful thing... obviously they have never stepped on a Lego.