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People who are about to tell you something then say "never mind" are the reason why I sometimes admire serial killers
Sh!t`s spiraling out of control and I`m all like "wheeeee."
I love hearing rumors about me...that`s how I find out what I`ve been doing.
Guys i did not copy or edit this status of mine.Please believe this is my own idea!
Dont piss me off...I`ll give your number to all the kids and tell them it`s Santa`s hot line!
A cheap way to get Botox face is by walking your dog in zero degree temperature.
You pay more attention to the TV than you do me! - Ma`am, do you want me to fix your cable or not?
Never hire a color blind Bomb Technician.
Well that’s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I’m doing
You make me feel "I`m-typing-this-with-my-middle-finger" angry.
Driving isn`t even in the top 5 things I`m thinking about when I`m driving.
This one time, I got trapped inside a couch cushion fort for like 47 days cause I forgot to put a secret door on it.
If they made a movie of my life, it would just be a lot of scenes where I`m looking for something to wipe my hands on.
If anyone knows Phillip tell him I have a bunch of his screwdrivers.
To help reduce cost, this status was typed in china.