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It`s what`s on the inside that counts... *Except chocolate covered raisins.
How to find the perfect husband: Play monopoly with him. if he chooses the iron, he`s the one
2003: Fear that ppl from the internet will find me in real life. 2013: Fear that ppl from real life will find me on the internet.
I started to question my sanity this morning, It told me to "Shut up and chew through the straps....). I was free by noon......Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I`m the a$$hole for tripping him?
Hmmmm, thats odd. . . .According to this height / weight chart. . . . I`m too short.
There is no better sunscreen than sitting inside a bar.
lol I rotfl
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
I`m leaving my body to science because even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
Ask me about my ability to annoy complete strangers.
I told my girlfriend I`m Harry Potter`s Godfather... She laughed hard and said "you can`t be Sirius"
A massage is just professional petting for humans.
why do i feel like you are reading this
I`d rather SH!T in my hands and clap!