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when she says "size doesn`t matter" what she really means is "I have been disappointed before." :)
I end a sentence with "just sayin" because ending it with "dumbass" would be offensive.
Have you noticed that tire stores never hang big banners that say "Blowout Sale"?
My greatest talent is being able to watch 5 years worth of a TV shows in one week.
Orange Hi-C counts as a serving of fruit, right?
Women have all the answers, to all of your questions, and you don`t even have to ask.
The best part of waking up is.....wait, I didn`t think this through entirely.
Head & Shoulders needs to come out with a body spray that will help repel flakey people from my life.
If a woman repeats what you just said in the form of a question, you`ll be dead soon.
The next time you feel you`re worthless.... just remember.... your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially since his name is Mike.
I am not real pumped up about the Super Bowl this year!
Saw a wasp in a spider web and I don`t know who to root for.
You know when dogs sticks their heads out of a moving car window, bite at the air and it looks like fun? I tried it. It is.
I liked Hoarders much better when it was called Sanford & Son.