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Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I`m typing this with my middle finger.
Let me get this straight…a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, ripping all the hair out…and still be afraid of a spider?
The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing.
like this if you are against animal cruelty
I love my car. Without it, I would not be where I am today.
is in that awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and noon.
Hire a hitman is apparently not the correct answer to "what would you do if you won the lottery"
The most important part of being on a gluten free diet is telling everyone about it.
screw flowers, its all about chia pets ;)
The correct answer to "How are you?" is "Fine." If you ever stray from that dialogue, please know that nobody gives a sh!t.
The statement `Hey! Calm down!` has a zero to no success rate of getting someone to calm down
"That looks interesting. I think I`ll eat it." - Sharks and Toddlers
What does it mean when you sit next to an elderly woman on the bus and she shakes her head and makes the sign of the cross?
I took a 5hr energy today. they`re right about being able to multitask because it made me puke and poop at the sametime..
Posting a status update before responding to someone`s text is the easiest way to let them know how unimportant they are.