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The phrase, “Don’t take this the wrong way” has a zero percent success rate.
Sorry but if these walls could talk I`m pretty sure they`d talk about wall things and not whatever scandal you`re blowing out of proportion.
Keep talking; someday you’ll say something intelligent.
TEIAM - problem solved
"Just so you know, you`re coming home with me tonight." I whisper to all the leftover food on the table from our dinner date.
At the start of every relationship many girls treat their boys as a GOD but later the alphabets are reversed
Tip Of The Week: When going through airport customs and you are asked “do you have any firearms with you?” do not reply “what do you need?”
Having a mohawk used to mean you were tough. Now it means you’re a 3 year-old with annoying parents.
I`ve found the most effective way to get an attractive guy to fall for me is by simply using my charm... and then a stun gun.
The Patriots defensive coverage was almost as bad as the coverage by Obamacare.
7 billion people on this planet and I can`t find one who doesn`t annoy the f*ck out of me.
Strange new trend at work. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Yesterday I ate a tuna sandwich named Jennifer.
I`m more indecisive than a John in a brothel with gold credit card.
Lazy Rule: If you spill water, It will eventually dry.
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds.