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I`m well on my way to getting absolutely nothing done today.
Dancing in the 70`s: I have absolutely no idea what I am pointing at
The police never think its as funny as I do.
If the conversation gets too serious and uncomfortable, take your pants off.
Saying, "We need to talk," is the most efficient way to freak someone out
He is proud of himself. He finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
Walmart calls them self checkouts, I call them I might not pay for some of this.
Ever wanna tell someone to shut the f*ck up even when they are not speaking
If you`re sick and tired of every Asshole on Facebook asking you to copy and paste stuff as your status, please copy and paste this as your status.
Relationship Status: eating
Only awesome people are allowed to ‘LIKE’ this status!
Basically the whole point of Facebook is so you can see if you’re prettier than your ex’s new girlfriend.
I`d take a stupid dog over a stupid person any day.
That moment when you have so many things to do...So you decide to take a nap instead!
Apple and Blackberry should team up and make a phone called the Pie.