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When your coworker tells you they are getting a divorce a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told. Twice now.
I spent an hour at Walmart last night.. I can now totally disprove evolution.. O_o
Door bells should be made illegal in commercials. Pet owners know what I’m talking about.
They say in the near future computers will become more intelligent than people, really, the near future? I walk down the street and see girls who struggle with the difference between orange and tanned, guys who have no idea how a belt works, and all of them with less language skills then the average trained chimp. Computers? Hell I’ve got an alarm clock that’s smarter than most of them right now.
Happy third birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge.
We should really thank our Dads for bringing us into this world since our Moms were probably tired and not in the mood.
Tyler on Facebook says he ran 1.7 miles this morning… So based on calculations, I have 35 minutes to ransack his house tomorrow morning.
Seems like we would be just fine with about half as many types of pasta
“Single and ready to mingle” is the fancy way of saying “Alone and desperate”
You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you’ve had?
May you have a prosperous New Year. I may need to borrow money.
DAAAAY-OH! DAAaay-oh! Monday come and me wanna go home.
People go to the bar hoping for 2 things...to get hammered or to get nailed.
We should be nicer to old people. When they walked uphill both ways in the snow they had to do it without an internet connection too.
Breaking News: Viagra shippment stolen... Cops are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.