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It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.
I mixed coffee with Red Bull today..I got half way to work when I realized I forgot my car!
Some people just need sympathetic pat.........on the head........with a hammer
Beer is good, but beers are better.
A yawn is a silent scream for coffee!
Liking something on Facebook instead of commenting is like nodding at someone in an elevator instead of saying hello.
When I see names carved into a tree I don’t think it’s cute, I just think its strange how many people take knives on a date.
Holding my breath until someone likes this status.
Been there, done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.
Smile, it´s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
You never know how dirty a song`s lyrics are until you hear a child sing them.
Did you know dryer sheets double as toilet paper and leave your a$$ smelling like meadows and rain drops?
Now that there is no FBI director we can finally make copies of VHS tapes
A new study has found that men have a hard time reading women`s facial expressions. Main reason? They usually aren`t looking at her face.
Women and children first because men deserve a little quiet time before the ship sinks.