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*licks finger, holds it up in the air* ah yes, just as I suspected. wind.
It`s called "Biscotti" because nobody would buy "chocolate covered croutons".
Mowed the lawn yesterday with my shirt off and this morning there were 50 shirts left on my porch with a sign that said, "Please wear."
It hurts when you goto unfriend someone only to discover they beat you to it
I can`t wait for a empty Christmas wrapping paper tube to bonk someone over the head with!
Can`t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
My buddy asked me the other night if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him that I`m married now and that`s where I sleep.
I took up the game of Golf recently. . .but I had too much trouble getting through that windmill.
life is short play naked
Millions of innocent coconuts are murdered each year so you can drink their nutritious blood you insensitive health freak
Scent is the sense most tied to memory. "Common" is the sense least tied to people.
Alcohol – The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance “medicine.”
Sometimes I think "Screw this ... I`ll just be a stripper!"
New documentary movie about white trash .... I only saw the trailer ....
Losing weight is not working for me, so I`m concentrating on getting taller.