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Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
I love how when your watching a crime show and they have to tell you that "this is a reenactment" oh really? you mean you didn`t actually catch the murder on video?
Got interrupted downloading the new version of iTunes by a pop up that asked if I wanted to download the even newer version of iTunes.
did you notice when you yell "yo ugly" about 10 people turn around
If you don`t like me now, you won`t like me later because I just get worse.
I really respect people that don`t drink excessively, gamble, curse, do drugs, spend excessively, act irresponsibly and stay up late. And by "respect" I mean "don`t wanna hang out with"
Know why girls cross their arms when they`re angry? Boobs. Just a little reminder of who`s in charge around here.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
I may hate waiting. But I love procastinating.
Being normal is boring.
No matter how hard I try, I just never seem to run out of bad ideas.
Word of the day is bishop: My aunt fell down the stairs and I had to pick the bishop.
What doesn`t kill you, will hopefully try again
Halloween is great because kids just show up at your door and hold out bags of candy for you to steal
Of all the advice given to me over the years, “There really is no bad time for a beer” has proved to be the most helpful.