Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I sent one of those swabs off for DNA sampling. Apparently, I`m 50% Crest, 25% Denture fixative, 13% kebab, and 12% Rum.
The bible says you can`t buy your way into heaven but there isn`t a church in the country that won`t encourage you to try.
Currently helping my girlfriend look for her chocolates that I ate 5 hours ago...
All I`m saying is, I`ve never seen my ex and Satan in the same room together.
My new years resolution is to try to actually finish someth
[takes out checkbook][clicks pen] Alright, how much to make these Bit Strips to go away forever.
He was like, `We`re all slowly dying` So I was like, `WRONG` and I threw him in front of a moving bus.
Dear American Express, can you raise my debt ceiling?? Thx, bro.
Two of the most honest people in the world; drunk people and little kids
Ten seconds of drug commercials are spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest is spent basically daring you to take it.
It`s a good idea to test your immune system from time to time by eating a gas station hot dog
iPhone 6: For people who don`t mind holding an iPad up to their ear.
There are days when everything goes perfectly. . I wonder what those are like?
Today I have been sober for 100 days. Not, like, in a row or anything. Just in total.
The reason why women will never be the ones to propose is because as soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping his pants