Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes my neighbors love my music so much that they invite the police to listen.
I’ve robbed banks before and they’re never getting their pens back.
I am looking at this online special deal at Disneyworld and thinking no, my kids can annoy me just fine right here at home.
I love the people in parking lots with "free kittens" signs because I too feel that kittens shouldn`t be oppressed.
Don’t underestimate my ability to be hungry.
This pizza looks like a pie chart of 100% good news.
I keep hitting the escape key ... But I`m still here.
When I text someone and they dont text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from overexcitement.
The older I get the more use I have for the phrase "bite me."
Hey whiny kids with iPhones: when I was your age, I played with a stick.
I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.
The biggest cause of cancer in mice is research.
If there`s a bar where everybody knows your name, you`re probably an alcoholic.
Nobody cleans a house faster than a man expecting to get laid.
I wish the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial would ride his motorcycle through my town.