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A lot of people don`t realise that Shania Twain`s father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
I had hopes and dreams. Now I have vodka and the internet.
What is the difference between a trapeze artist and a supermodel?. The trapeze artist has a cunning stunt.
I feel like being that guy that gets upset when people use the term "straight A`s". "Fabulously flawless A`s" sounds much better.
Some days, I think that Dexter dude has the right idea.
Don´t worry ... It only seems kinky the first time.
I take comfort in the fact that my neighbour will probably die before me. I`ll be at his funeral, leafblowing through the entire ceremony.
You don’t realize how many people you hate until you have to name a baby or a dog...
My favorite part of country music is the part where I change the station.
Ebay is really getting worse and worse to use. Yesterday I searched for a cigarette lighter. I got 3,974, 601 matches...
I really worry about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
They should open a bar and call it "The Gym" so I can be like those annoying people on Facebook who brag about going to the gym every day.
Well, just 8 more hours of Facebook and I can go back to bed. *phew*
I took the "Which 90`s Cartoon Are You?" quiz and got "You`re a fucking grown man. Stop it. Right now."
My favorite thing to do on Facebook is to get in a long conversation with someone and then delete all my comments so they look crazy.