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If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$
thinks there are times when your the most beautiful girl in the world, and there are times when I’m sober.
I`m still kinda pissed that they never did tell us how to get to sesame street
Thought cartoons were getting better. Turns out it was a news story about Justin Bieber.
Starting tomorrow, whatever life throws at me, I`m ducking so it hits someone else!
Have we considered putting Scooby Doo and the gang on the Malaysian airplane caper?
If you can’t face it, moon it.
When someone says I love you over the phone and you don`t feel the same, just say `I love youtube` but say it really fast!
Having sex is like doing FRACTIONS... It`s IMPROPER for the larger one to be on top.
Putting a light in the refrigerator is God`s way of telling us that it`s okay to eat before going to bed.
That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow.
The text message is the new greeting card, but without any hope that there will be money inside.
believes saying "hi" with a big smile can brighten anyone´s day ... even those who give you the middle finger for cutting them off in traffic.
If you read my entire Facebook timeline from the beginning, you can witness my descent into madness
If you’re a douchebag, it’s so easy to find the right hat.