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I’ve made some mistakes I wish I could make again.
Whoever named the seesaw probably didn’t get another chance to name stuff.
WARNING:: going to bed on Sunday will cause Monday.
Did you know that if you put a finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Pacman.
Life is so much funnier if you have a dirty mind
If I agree with you, we would both be wrong.
Cold? Try Netflix. You’ll still be cold, but you’ll be watching Netflix.
Everyone can stop painting. We all have cameras that can take perfect pictures of everything.
I know you`re the instructor but I`ve seen Ghost 47 times so I know for a fact this IS how pottery is made!
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: To propagate authoritarianism and generate revenue for the state? Cop: ...
Resisting the urge to write "Just shut the f*ck up" on someones status.
Just completed my sexual harassment training and I think I`m finally ready to start harassing people.
My medic alert bracelet warns first responders that I kiss back during CPR
I’ve thought about it, and there still is no good reason for me to grow up.
Reincarnation is my only hope.