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I get in this weird mood where I don`t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood `Awake`
The only time I want to hear about your baby is when you tell me it ain`t mine.
When I want your opinion, I’ll give it a funny voice.
Haters gonna hate, your honor
I grew up for this?
My parents told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!” so I turned on the subtitles.
The funniest thing about this Facebook status is by the time you realize it doesn`t say anything important, it`s to late for you to stop reading it ... sucker
I wonder what Facebook employees do at work to waste time.
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess.
The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase Regards again.
An apple a day will keep anyone away ... if thrown hard enough.
Why isn’t the default for online shopping “view all”? Who likes to skip through 20 pages of only 12 items…
I still like going into Burger King and ordering a McWhopper and a McFry.
My resume is really just a list of things I never want to do again.
Laughter is the best medicine, but if you are laughing for no reason, you might need medicine.