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Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can´t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Your lights are on but I see someone’s been playing with your dimmer switch.
A psychiatrist is just a friend you pay to listen to your problems because your other friends are tired of hearing about them.
It`s amazing how we are very good lawyers for our own mistakes and very good Judges for other people`s mistakes.
My 12 step program means parking closer to the bar.
Big deal, Times Square, I drop the ball at least twice a week.
I`m just a guy standing in front of a huge pile of laundry wondering how flammable it is.
They say money talks, mine just waves goodbye.
The first rule of the OCD Club is to have a second rule so there is an even number of rules.
According to Pinterest, I`m severely under-utilizing mason jars.
I`ll take an ice cream sandwich please. You know what? I`m trying to be healthy, can you change that to an ice cream salad instead? Thanks
If you`re going to be original, be prepared to be copied.
I`m starting to wish I were a werewolf so I`d have a better reason for waking up nude in public with no memory of how I got there.
For the past 3 years I have been planning to write an article on Procrastination!!!
I don`t understand the saying "you snooze you lose"... I hit the snooze button 8 times this morning and feel like a champion.