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What`s the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller" ?
Some people say having a child is the best experience in the world. These people obviously never had 2 thing fall from a vending machine at once.
Happy Labor Day to someone who barely labored this year.
There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
"Mary had a little lamb. That`s had." - the wolf
I don’t always have a cool Facebook status, but when I do, an older relative ruins it with a lame comment.
If "The Breakfast Club" were made today, it would be a silent film about 5 kids staring at their phones.
No one can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it ;)
Lame! I was tricked into watching PS, I Love You! It`s definitely NOT about a guy that marries his PlayStation.
You`ve already put up your Christmas tree? That`s nothing. I`m already drunk for St. Patrick`s Day.
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn’t doing his part of the chores around here.
They`re all cop cars when you`re this high.
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice.
Taco Tuesday sends a terrible message to our nation`s children. They need to know that tacos are always an option no matter what day it is.
Years ago I asked out the girl of my dreams. Today I asked her to marry me ... She said no both times