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Dear automatic flushing toilet. I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn`t quite finished...
I`m 5`5" and a HALF. I think men should be pretty impressed that I consider half inches very important when measuring things.
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join a XXX facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really big shirts.
Why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo? Who has hair on their shoulders? Who`s shampooing their shoulder hair? ... please come forward.
Mission Impossible: Ordering something at Subway without saying, "ummmm".
I"m not saying that I am batman, i`m just saying no one has ever seen me and batman in a room together
How many people actually tell everyone that you said Hi.
Funny how the closer I get to the bar the friendlier I become.
If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.
I`m not a doctor, but I play one on eHarmony.
Behind every successful status update, there is a Ctrl C & Ctrl V
Please please, keep talking. I always yawn when I`m interested...
When your wife says she needs a new broom it`s best not to ask if she broke the last one in a crash landing.
I just found a $100 bill laying on the floor in the checkout lane. I don`t even have to try to find out who lost it, because it`s the same color, and has the same picture on it as the one I lost 2 years ago!! WooHoo, talk about fate huh??!!
I think germs are so nice for waiting 5 seconds before attacking food that falls on the floor.