Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
OK. Who decided to call it "possession of marijuana" and not "joint custody"?
I bet Jellyfish are sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish.
My tricks aren`t for kids.
I don’t like people who can’t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
If only my ceiling fan could hold my weight, then I would never be bored again.
I put a bumper sticker that says "Honk if You Think I`m Sexy" on my car. Then I wait at green lights until I feel better about myself.
My doctor asked if any members of you family suffers from insanity, I replied "nope they seem to enjoy it!"
You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of people wouldn`t notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.
The only F word out a woman`s mouth that scares me is "fine."
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart
Lower your expectations and I will totally amaze you.
I`d love to drown my problems... I just can`t get my spouse to go swimming!
So far this is the oldest I`ve ever been.
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.
Noise canceling toilets should be a thing.