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Ain’t no sandwich when she’s gone.
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "klondike bar".
I haven`t been drinking. I know what day it is. I didn`t lose my pants. This might be my car. I know how to drive. -Lies I`ve told to cops.
Dear alcohol we had a deal where you were supposed to make me cool, sexy, charming and a great dancer........I seen a video......we need to talk.
I`m not the type of person you should put on speaker phone
Apparently, you can only say "Look at you! You got so big!" to kids. Old girlfriends tend to get offended. Who knew?
I was just chatting with my cat about how being lonely can make a person crazy.
Grabbing a drink after work is perfectly fine.However, you look like an alcoholic when your getting that drink at 6am.
My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that.
I got a free wallet and watch today. It`s like this gun is magic.
had a great time horseback riding today but then I ran out of quarters
A lot of guys get married just because they`re hungry.
Yeah I`m married, but get one thing straight,,, I do WHAT I want, WHEN I wanhjkjhgfd,, THIS IS SCOTT`S WIFE, HE HAS TO GO NOW, HE SAYS GOODNIGHT.
"I`ve had so much coffee, I got halfway to work and realized I forgot my car."
I have good taste, I just don`t have the money to prove it.