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Welcome to Alzheimer`s Club. I see a lot of new faces today.
Ha! Who`s laughing now, f*ckers that took your Christmas lights down last year!
Ain’t no sandwich when she’s gone.
Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of grains that could`ve become beer, but didn`t
I’m not stupid. I’m just too lazy to show how smart I am.
Wish I turned into a wolf every month instead of getting my period
Good Morning: You, my friends are the reason I wake up every morning ? LOL JK, I have to pee.
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.
Want to watch a nerd have a melt down? Tell him that you just bought an Android Ipad.
Posting inspirational quotes online is the first sign to depression.
I wish there was a reality show where people learned grammar.
You sure do seem to know a lot about love and relationships for someone who spends 22 hours a day on Facebook.
Moses had the first tablet with cloud connectivity.
If you catch a homeless couple having sex is it rude to tell them to "get a room"?
Sleep is my drug, my bed is my dealer, and my alarm clock is police.