Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just so you know, the movie "Life of Pi" has nothing to do with dessert.
Iām not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
Thanks to the State Farm commercial now I want a Falcon.
i love you with all my butt. i would say heart but my butt is bigger :)
Sometimes I think I`m a relatively smart person. Other times I put my shoes on before my pants and realize who I really am.
Her (from the living room): What time is it out there? Me (in the kitchen): Same time as it is in there.
This beer tastes like Iām going to text you later.
Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Other times we just snuggle.
The hardest job in the world must be working in a bubble wrap factory. Can you imagine the self control that is required?
Having a dirty mind makes simple conversation much more exciting!
I just got an email telling me how I can have fuller, firmer breasts. I can`t wait to show them to my wife!!
Sometimes when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
I`m not opposed to manscaping, but I don`t see the point of cutting the grass until somebody takes interest in the property.
Light beer and turkey bacon probably won`t kill you but why take the chance??
As I get older, I`ve learned to relax and not stress over trivial matters. Just kidding, I`m drunk.