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Girls think that having their period is the most inconvenient thing they can experience. They`ve obviously never dated a girl who was on her period.
I would like to think that I`ll die heroic death saving someone`s life but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my shoelaces and choke on a spoonful of Nutella.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
My dog`s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I`d like it to be.
Saw my Ex with some guy at a bar last night... so I ordered a beer, took a few sips then gave her date the rest of my drink... Walked away.
I just made a voodoo doll of myself. Can someone take it to the gym?
"Let`s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise" - sports fans
Whenever I read: "Do not exceed recommended dose" I always think, "Challenge accepted!"
Does anyone else make transformer noises when changing sex positions? Asking for a friend.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Somewhere, right this minute, someone is reading this sentence.
I`d like to be poor for a day, because being poor everyday gets to be real annoying after awhile.
Taught a man how to buy fish ... So much easier.
It`s called fall because everything is falling; leaves, temperature, bank account, gpa, motivation...
New diet plan: murder all the skinny people.