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Tonight I plan on drinking until I`m someone else`s problem
She walked in & she had legs, legs that went on for days. Who knows where they went? They just kept wenting. - Why my mystery novel failed
Maybe the reason Uncle Phil hated Will was because the first thing Will gave him was a $3700 cab ride bill from Philly to Bel-Air.
Starting tomorrow, whatever life throws at me, I`m ducking so it hits someone else!
The word “fireplace” really reveals the creativity of our ancestors
It doesn`t take much to make a woman happy, but it takes even less to make her mad.
Just found out my daughter`s super power is repeating what I`ve said about others as soon as she meets them.
My wife told me I suffer from a lack of imagination. I said, "Yeah? Well you suffer from a lack of imagination." That showed her.
My bank lets me send a text message and it will text back with my balance. Its a cool feature but I didn`t think the LOL was necessary.
How much Hershey`s Chocolate Syrup can I add before it`s really not a SlimFast shake anymore?
Being normal is boring.
Kim and Kanye have been married WAY longer then I expected.
I swear I can hear Google sigh every time I start typing in their search bar.
I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think, "I`d so tap that."
Women with big breasts... ...can get a taxi on the worst days ...have a neat place to carry spare change ...have always been the center of the arts (art) ...make jogging a spectator sport ...can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub ...have more negotiating power (with men shorter than them) ...usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie ...can always carry a little extra ...always float better ...know where to look first for lost earrings ...rarely lack for a slow dance partner ...hav