Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Now there’s Adderall to perk up, Xanax to calm down, Prozac to feel normal. In my day we drank beer for all three.
Here`s an idea...You go away and I`ll stop ignoring you.
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name...
I hate in video games how penguins always use their ability to slide on their stomachs for evil
I don’t even know what I don’t know.
What supermarket did the pilgrims visit to purchase their canned gelatin cranberry sauce? I want my Thanksgiving to be authentic.
I don`t think any of my vampire jokes will ever see the light of day.
Can someone make a voodoo doll of me and send it off to the gym?
Vaginas are like the weather. When it`s wet, it`s time to go inside.
I’m posing nude for an art class this evening. Nobody asked me to. I think they’re making ceramic bowls.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don’t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
Friends are like condoms… they protect you when things get hard.
If you are the one who stole my computer yesterday, please disregard the folder labeled, "Nature photographs." Thanks.
I really think my life would be a lot better if my fitness app would just lower its standards