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The older the Facebook post, the creepier your “like” becomes.
One day, I will solve my problems with maturity. Today, however, it will be with alcohol.
Walmart killed the traveling circus.
In the United States a man gets kicked in the groin every 6.2 seconds. I would hate to be that man.
Yes, bitches be trippin’ but maybe I pushed one.
When does paying taxes get shut down? Asking for everyone with a job.
Alcohol makes me worse at everything except telling secrets
If I don`t remember what I did, don`t ruin it for me by reminding me.
Who needs Halloween decorations when I can just put up my selfies?
Wish some of my co workers weren`t allowed in the break room... Because that`s who I usually need a break from.
I don’t have nightmares... I create them for others ;-)
I have no idea how I used to look for things in the dark before I had a cellphone.
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever...
Cop: Sir what is in the bottle next to you? Man: It`s water *hands the cop the bottle* Cop: Sir, this is wine. Man: Jesus did it again!
I want a man who loves me for my personality. Is it really to much to ask, I mean I do have several to pick from.