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Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I am totally fleible.
Why is it that the more annoying the tune, the harder it is to get it out of your head?
Tomorrow, I`m going to open up the time capsule I buried when I was a kid. I can`t wait to see how big my puppy got!
I do not gossip ... I pass things along ... It`s like a public service.
You can`t always control who walks in to your life but you can control which window to throw them out.
A procrastinator`s work is never done...
For lent, I`m giving up sexual innuendos but it`s hard... so hard!
A hot woman telling me about her boyfriend is like setting money on fire in front of a homeless person.
gets drunk on one drink. The trouble is, I can´t remember if it´s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
It`s a small world, but I wouldn`t want to paint it.
Trust me... You don`t want my undivided attention.
Guy- What`s your sign? Me- Stop
Want your favorite song to become your least favorite song? Just make it your alarm tune.
Crazy is not a destination, it is a way of life.