Daily Silly Status

I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.

I take a large amount of pride in always being prepared for a nap.

The next time there`s an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"

My favorite thing about marriage is sharing a house with the person most likely to murder me.

Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.

Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the world.

This week is the 40th anniversary of the Rubik`s Cube. If you kids don`t know what a Rubik`s Cube is, it`s what people would stare at without human interaction before cellphones. Mel

That moment when you wake up at 2 o`clock a.m and remember how crappy that after earth movie was and you go back to sleep immediately

Putting a light in the refrigerator is God`s way of telling us that it`s okay to eat before going to bed.

This is probably the best idea I`ve had yet! -me, right before I do something stupid

Finally in bed. No better time to start thinking about every possible thing that has or ever could happen.

When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $4.95 a minute.

Don’t ever laugh in the bathroom it will make people think ur playing with yourself

College is the only time in which being poor and drunk is acceptable.

I was thinking about jumping on the Patriot`s Fan bandwagon, but I am afraid that the tires would be deflated...