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Who needs dance lessons when you`ve got alcohol?!
There’s a wild side to EVERY innocent face.
Some things get in the way of my happiness, so I ignore them.
I`d like to give a special thanks to my feet for supporting me and to my arms for being by my side at all times.
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it`s because she`s a big dumb stinkyhead that`s jealous of my awesome Transformers collection.
If you speak too slowly, I will complete all your sentences in my mind in ways that makes your story much more interesting
If it doesn`t include antidepressants, they shouldn`t call it a Happy Meal.
I don`t get personal trainers. I`ve never been exercising and thought "man, I wish someone hot was criticizing me right now."
Have you ever laid down in bed and start thinking.. Where the hell are my pants!!??
Sometimes, when people are talking to me, I daydream about what they would do if I suddenly punched them in the face.
My New Year’s resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall ... I plan on sticking to it.
Go ahead, judge me. Wait, let me get my bat first. Alright, I`m ready now.
"Omg. Why does this store have so many naked pictures of me?"... "Sir those are mirrors, and we`re gonna have to ask you to leave."
I saw a man at the beach screaming, "Help, shark, help!" I laughed because I knew the shark wasn`t going to help him.
Do girls that make duck faces in pictures walk in a V formation at the mall?