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As a kid, i was afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I am terrified of the electrical bill.
It must be really hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest because I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
It hurts when you go to unfriend someone and you find they`ve beat you to it!
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speakerphone.
Game of Thrones characters should have to wear jerseys with their names on the back
I don`t always say `oops`, but when I do, it`s usually ten minutes after I have a brilliant idea.
Social experiments where skinny people wear fat suits teach us to be nicer to fat people because it might be a skinny person in a fat suit.
F*ck It - My final thought before making decisions.
My credit card company called. They want me to leave home without it.
How much Hershey`s Chocolate Syrup can I add before it`s really not a SlimFast shake anymore?
I don’t call it laying down anymore, I call it landscape mode.
I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
Here`s where I draw the line: ___________________________.
I don`t always do a lot, but I put a lot of thought into it.
Boobs make me forget about all the bad things in the world.