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Corduroy boxing gloves deliver the best punchlines.
If it hurts when you pee, urine trouble.
I like Tuesday, it rhymes with Boozeday...
It`s kill or be killed. Or eat a sandwich. Maybe go for a light jog. Draw a picture of a duck. There are a lot of options out there.
life is too short to think twice and act wise....
Girls who don`t get naked when you`re drunk.. Explain yourselves.
It’s what’s on the inside that counts, unless you’re talking about one of those hollow chocolate bunnies.
Deep down I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
When someone says “You just made my day,” it makes my day.
I checked into a hotel this weekend. I told the girl I hoped the porn channel was disabled. She said "No, its just regular porn, you sicko"
I came home one day all proud as can be with my report card and said to my Mom ,Look I got a B in reading , She said that`s a D you moron !
Another funny thing about this status is when you finally realize that it talks about nothing? its all ready too late to stop reading. lol
Being alone with my thoughts can be quite boring unless alcohol is involved
I like people the most when I`m by myself.
Filling out a job application. Under "Military Experience" I put that I once went commando for 4 days in a row.