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Always have faith and believe in yourself…well because..the rest of us think you’re an idiot!
Alright, I admit it. Sometimes when I wave my hands in the air, I actually do care.
They say a woman’s work is never done. Maybe that’s why they get paid less.
I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking. Disgusting . . . I nearly couldn’t finish my sandwich.
Accidentally used AOL.com, I betting the employees there are celebrating and think they have a sure future.
I don`t really work, I just kinda stand around and be awesome.
Sometimes I miss being in a relationship, but then I look at my wallet and I feel alright again.
When they say all expenses paid, does that include bail?
I`m having trouble telling if it`s killing me or making me stronger
My secret fantasy is to have two women at the same time, one cooking and one cleaning.
I bet people who like their own statuses wink at themselves in the mirror too.
Does this couch I`m laying on make me look unmotivated?
I don’t need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes.
a lady at the grocery store asked me, "How do I know you?"...to which I replied, "You must watch a lot of porn".
I don`t get in trouble, I just get into questionable situations.