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2003: Fear that ppl from the internet will find me in real life. 2013: Fear that ppl from real life will find me on the internet.
Ever notice how the automatic flush sensors in public restrooms kinda look like hidden cameras?
In honor of St. Patrick`s Day, I`m going to create a hybrid of a four leaf clover and poison ivy and give myself a rash of good luck
Sometimes, late at night in WalMart, I switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
In-laws the reason why I`d never get married..
Having to share a room with your spouse is absolute nonsense. Even kids get their own rooms...
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble people, respect it!
Wow, I thought “flash mob” meant something completely different. Can someone come bail me out?
Everything I like is either: illegal, immoral, fattening, addictive, expensive, or impossible.
If your that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
Come on. Let`s all go and be happy in front of some miserable people
Global warming is now thought to be a leading cause of documentaries.
I hate when people say, "I gotta get my body right for the summer." ...like, wtf are you going to do about your face???
I wish I could get excited as a redneck drinking cheap beer and watching cars go around in circles for hours.
If cartoons can wear the same clothes everyday then so can I, dammit!