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All I`m saying is one of us is right and the other one is you.
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, and that’s how science works.
The home cooked pizza box says to cook the pizza between 14 and 16 minutes. That`s 15 minutes, right? I`m not reading too much into it?
Sluts are just hookers with no grasp of economics.
Have you ever partied so hard that you feel like you may have damaged your DNA?
I`m an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.
I`m getting sick of seeing all these lyric status`s, it reminds me of somebody that I used to know.
If you need me I`ll always be stuck behind the person who doesn`t know how to use the CVS self-checkout aisle.
There`s 3 ways to get something done: 1. Do it yourself, 2. Hire someone or 3. Forbid your kids to do it.
I got 99 problems but a least my name aint North West.
When I die I want Charlie Sheen’s life to flash before my eyes.
In Starbucks a customer went sh*t house rat crazy when they got a double shot of espresso instead of the triple shot they ordered ... I`m fine now.
There are 2 kinds of people I can’t stand: Nosy people, and people who won’t tell me what in the hell is going on.
I assume when I get put on hold after I call customer service, it`s because 2 guys are flipping a coin to see who pretends to be the manager.
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Why are you doing this?