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"Baby on Board" Oh really? Thanks for letting me know. I was about to ram into your car but now I won`t.
I like my relationships like I like my eggs: over easy.
Im not sure Im comfortable with the fact that there is now a bunch of people in white coats furiously scribbling notes behind a big glass window while im talking to my therapist. Im suppose to just "ignore" them.
I wish Noah would have swatted those two mosquitoes.
BEFORE I GET DRUNK, NAKED,THROWN IN JAIL AND LOOSE MY DAMN PHONE. *HAPPY NEW YEAR.
I`m kinda like an onion, not in some deep I have layers way, but if you see me naked, you`ll cry.
me + you = overpopulation... :) :p
I wish conversations were like user agreements, where I could skip to the end and just agree.
Dear Vegetarians, Thanks for saving the good food for us.
I just missed winning the lottery by only 6 numbers.
My wife is great at multitasking. She can be mad at me for five different things at the same time.
I party like a rockstar. A very poor rockstar who isn`t in a band.
Tonight I’m trying to get to that happy place right between don’t know my own name and head in the toilet.
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm the f*ck down. -Bfanch
If you`re ever sad, just imagine how much worse it would be to be a tree that spent years and years growing up, only to end up as a Justin Bieber notebook