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I only say “bless you” twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you’re a demon who must be destroyed.
So apparently the numbers on the toaster are minutes? I`ve thought for years it was degree of toasty-ness.
I don`t get offered drugs nearly as often as D.A.R.E. said I would.
if its got tits you will get nothing but trouble !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don`t look at me in that tone of voice...
I like to start my morning off with a good nap.
is it just me, or did anyone else think that we would be living like the Jetson´s by 2011?
If you ever come over unannounced, it`ll take me at least three minutes to answer the door because there is no way I was already wearing pants.
I have tons of friends! Well i only have one... but she ways a ton!
The best part about being a pathological liar is flying my helicopter to my private island.
I don`t drink to forget my problems. I drink because I survived them!
The number of things that are *NOT* rocket science is staggering.
Wanna ruin a girl’s day? Respond to her next text with “Who is this?”
I should be ashamed of myself. Lets be clear, I`m not. But I should be.
Trying to master the art of eating a powdered donut without looking like I just left Charlie Sheen`s house.