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If it’s called tourist season, why can’t you shoot at them?
I look forward to the day that cell phone technology finally catches up with technology in digital watches and they release a model that is water resistant up to 100 meters.
Is that a selfie or did you just photobomb a picture of your filthy bathroom?
The recipe I am making says to chill for 30 minutes so I`m sitting back and having a margarita!
If you never used that plastic thing that keeps pizza from sticking to the box lid as GI Joe`s poker table you`re too mature for me.
Clearly, it is wrong to describe woman`s menopause as "the old Fallopian tubes finally rusting shut." My bad.
How dare you incinerate that I don`t know big words.
Understanding women number 476,395: Women like to talk about their feelings.
I wish bedtime was all the time.
Sorry I ordered a salad and then ate all your fries.
Receipts are just short-stories about how stupid you are with money.
I have finally conquered my annoying habit of repeatedly pressing the snooze button every morning by programming my alarm clock to play lullabies!
Bicyclists, it`s one thing to hog the road, but it`s quite another to expect us to know your fancy hand signals. Also, I can see your balls.
is sick and tired and tired of being sick and sick of being tired!
I’m totally fine with favoritism as long as I’m the favorite.