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So I just saw a donkey crossing the road. The cool thing was he looked both ways before crossing. What a smart a$$.
This rough sex would have been a lot better if I wasn`t alone.
I still water my dead plants every 3 months. Just in case...
My girlfriend called me lazy the other day. I almost responded.
Social networking sites is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they’re going to put you in one.
When you buy Halloween candy to hand out as an adult, it`s like you are paying for all the free candy you got when you were a kid.
I would go for a jog today, but it looks like all of these cupcakes expire today as well.
If a Police Officer says, Anything you say will be taken down & used as evidence... Your answer should always be, Please don`t hit me again officer...
The guy blaring the self help CD at the red light in the rusted car with no bumpers wasn`t amused when I said, "I don`t think it`s working"
I`ve found a new coping mechanism....................COOKIES!
A model citizen is just like a regular citizen that doesn`t eat.
Seriousley.. The cuntestents in the 2013 speling beee contast hafe too now no the meening of the werd thay hafe been axed too spell. I coud rock that contast so eesy :))))) eg. The meening of "Easy". Anser: a kids oven
My dad use to take me to the circus to see the clowns, freakshows and the bearded lady. Now... I can see them anytime shopping at Walmart.
Moses had the first tablet with cloud connectivity.