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Nothing is more comical than seeing someone tiptoe with cheeks clenched hastily en route to a washroom to do #2.
Well, if you count Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
If people say you`re acting "really weird," take it as a compliment that you usually only act semi-weird and now you`re totally nailin` it.
I am, have to avoid the leg cramps during sex, years old.
I don`t like thinking before I say something. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth
I always try to behave on Friday nights but there are usually too many other options.
Don`t ask me stupid questions and I won`t hurt your stupid feelings.
I can tell a police officer is gay by the way he writes me a ticket instead of letting me off with a warning.
I keep having this dream that I`m being carried off by a giant squirrel. Does that make me nuts?
It`s normally a combination of things that cause bad decisions. The tequila, lime, salt combination is the most common.
I bought powdered water but I don`t know what to add to it.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!
When the machines rise up against the humans, just pray to your God that you`re nowhere near a dildo factory.
I wish life had a “rewind-the-weekend” button.
People always ask me, where do I come up with my status`, do I make them up, or do I get them from the internet.. Truth is people. I use Status Enhancing Drugs.