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I need me a pretty girl with an ugly girl personality
You can`t buy happiness, but you can buy ice cream, and that`s kind of the same thing.
Could you guys just scroll a little? I was really funny yesterday.
Admit it, you should be doing something else really important right now but your on Facebook again.
Nothing says poor life choices like the guy with the half smoked cigarette behind his ear
You`re about 8 beers away from being my type.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said bet you can`t hit me with a quarter!
I`m just doing what the beer tells me to.
October is breast awareness month for women, men are usually aware of breasts all year round.
A woman that doesn`t ask for nothing deserves everything
None of my coworkers get why I have fishbowl with no fish. It`s because fish can`t survive in my secret reservoir of vodka.
The two major causes of depression are: a) having a job, and b) not having a job.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how likely is it that your dumbass will say 11?
I just want to be rich enough to tell my boss, "you`re not the boss of me"!
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna` be a great day.