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Adam: Eve, you read the terms and conditions before using that Apple product right? Eve: Uh yeah, totally
If abortion is murder then are condoms kidnapping?
Money can`t buy you happiness, but it does give you the ability to rent it until you die.
"Nineteen letters long" is 19 letters long.
Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?
It’s pretty scary that before facebook… All these thoughts and stuff just stayed in peoples heads.
The queen honey bee has up to 40 sexual partners a day, just like your ex.
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail
Well, today was a complete waste of clean clothes.
You know it`s a really good bar when there`s a couple outside breaking up.
Why isn`t Wendy`s girl fat? You would think that someone who eats so many Baconators, chicken sandwiches and other burgers, would be quite the porker by now.
I would unfriend you but I enjoy laughing at your life.
The best thing about the internet is knowledge. You have all this knowledge at your fingertips! And we get to share what we learn with others! Oh...wait a second. I forgot about porn. OK I take it back. PORN is the best thing about the internet!
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
Tequila, because sometimes you and your toilet need to hug it out.