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There`s nothing as wonderful as waking up in the morning next to a gorgeous smiling face. So I keep a mirror next to my bed.
Parents, forget about teaching your kids about the birds and the bees. Teach your kids the difference between their, they`re and there.
Don`t sweat the small stuff. Don`t sweat the medium or large stuff either. Stop perspiring on everything. Take your sweaty a$$ elsewhere.
Has anyone EVER checked to see how the room or wall behind them looks before taking and posting 50 selfies?!
Decisions decisions ... Guess I`ll drink on it.
You don`t look like 200 likes in person
It`s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
Moms birthday is next week. I can’t find a card that says “I wish you loved me more than vodka.”
No matter how much you push the envelope - it`ll still be stationery.
Keep calm and pretend today isn’t Monday.
I wonder if there are any times on the clock that I have never seen.
Like if you really googled to see if that kid really died from masturbating
am feeling lazy......... jst like the guy who desighned the Japannese flag
Onion rings are vegetables. And the Large size counts as two servings.
"Be yourself" is about the worst advice you can give some people.