Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Much to my daughters horror, I just sang along to Ace of Base`s “The Sign” at full volume in a van full of her friends. Being a dad is fun!
What does it mean if the Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin? (asking for a friend)
Getting back with your ex is like taking a shower and putting back on your dirty underwear.
I`m not fat, God gave me built in airbags because I`m so precious.
DATING TIP: never reveal how many cats you have.
It`s not so much that I have to work that bothers me...oh wait, yes it is.
This bald spot just appeared out of thin hair.
These animal crackers are crap, this elephant tastes exactly like that giraffe did.
Pringles should make their containers like a Push Up Pop.
I can tell how productive I was at work by how much battery my cell phone has left when I leave.
I didn`t fall. The floor just needed a hug.
Being an American is awesome. The end.
Relationship status: Just kissed my cat and he got up and moved to the other end of the couch.
Just heard a lady say "When in doubt, get a pizza"... I don`t know who this woman is but she`s my new life coach.
Things that don`t kill bees: 1. Furniture polish 2. Febreeze 3. Butter 4. Screaming