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I find you`re total lack of ambition is inspiring.
I had s*x with my friend`s wife last night and now I feel awful. She must have had the flu or something.
Admit it...Life yould be boring without me.
spank me, its the only way i`ll learn.
Where have you been all my life? ... Please go back there.
Comment if you think I`m normal... Like this if you think I`m crazy... Copy this if you know your crazy too! And if your me... OMG TURKEY SQUIRREL! :)
Someday, somewhere, somehow I’m going to do something.
Thanks for accepting my friend request on Facebook, even though is was solely so I could gain full access to your profile and judge your life choices.
Whole Foods added a 10 items or less checkout line.... *as if anyone can afford to buy more than 10 items at a Whole Foods.
I don`t wanna be told what to do unless I`m naked
Coffee gives me the illusion I`m actually awake
To calculate the average number of times a guy has sex per week, multiply the number of fantasy football leagues he`s in by the number zero.
I don`t need your advice. I do a great job of screwing up my life all by myself, thank you!
That annoying moment when a package says "easy open" and you need scissors, a knife, a gun, and a lightsaber just to open it.
Whenever I hear someone say “STOP” my brain says “Hammer Time”