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Pizza is my favorite winter activity
My doctor said I needed to reduce stress. Great, now I have that to worry about.
Alcohol goes in, truth comes out.
Men use love to get sex...women use sex to get love...I use coupons to get pizza!
Statistics say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. Does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
I should start carrying a pool noodle in my car and randomly smack cars when stuck in traffic
Facebook is cheaper than therapy, twice as effective & you can do it naked.
All this time I thought Bi-Polar was a big white bear with no sexual preference.
Being married is 90% talking about what to have for dinner.
These peopele at the gym are looking at me like they expect me to share my donuts ... SMH
Did you know? If you were to watch all of the Saw films, it would take you 666 minutes?
If I can`t convince you, I will sure as hell confuse you.
This may be the wine talking but help he’s drinking me, he’s drinking me.
I’m off for a quiet beer. Followed by fourteen noisy ones.
True love is when you burn your tongue when you take a bite from a pizza and you still keep eating it.