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This complimentary lemonade at the doctor`s office tastes funny.
Just think: right now, your body is cookin` up some poop.
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
Always thought the 4 words I never wanted to hear from my wife was "I want a divorce". Turns out its actually, "What is your password".
When you think about it, the little old man behind the curtain in Oz was the original catfish.
People are always gonna talk about you, so you might as well give them something good to say.
Real friends show me their boobs
With all the botched executions lately, it has been suggested that we bring back the guillotine. But if we do that I`m sure heads will roll.
Here`s a list of things I need you to accomplish without any resources to do them with. -management
If it lasts 4 hours I`m not only callin a Dr, I`m callin everybody!!
If you don’t like my sense of humor please tell me… so I can laugh at you!
What if oxygen makes our voice really deep, and Helium just brings it back to normal?
May your neighbors respect you, troubles neglect you, angels protect you and heaven accept you.
It’s not a nap unless your face wakes up in a puddle of your own drool.