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That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from. FML
Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don´t know when.
My life is a lot like Ikea furniture with missing instructions. I’ll get it together eventually but it won’t ever feel quite right.
Do you ever get bored on the internet and then grab your phone to see what the other, smaller internet is up to?
Me: You`ve dimmed the lights already, aren`t we forward? * smiles suggestively * Optometrist: Just read the letters on the screen.
"Turtle Power" is not an appropriate response when HR asks you how you plan to meet your objectives this year. Apparently.
I have to hand it to people who lead a double life ... I can barely handle the one I have.
My stomach just growled so hard I thought I was getting a text message.
We should not have trusted anything Charlotte wrote in her web. She was consistently talking out of her ass.
I`m a firm believer that if something takes 10 minutes to cook on 200 degrees then it should only take 5 minutes to cook on 400 degrees
FYI, Target does not give prizes, no matter how many bullseyes you hit in the store with a paintball gun
I try to always be the bigger person by hanging out with a lot of short people.
doesn`t need any help being bad but u can come along for the ride if your up for it.
why we do not have a romance class...............
I`m trying to give up sexual innuendos. But it`s hard........so hard......