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Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re my bartender & you say "This guy looks like he needs another double vodka martini" then please do..
You will never find the right person if you do not let go of the wrong one. Call me!
Hummingbirds are just regular birds that can`t remember the lyrics.
If you`ve lost your appetite today, I think I have it.
Mashed potatoes really beg the question: “what else could we massively improve by squashing the hell out of it?”
It’s hard to tell if I’m dealing really well with life these days or if I just don’t give a sh!t.
I can`t be the only one who thinks "Game on, mother f*cker" when I see an air freshner in a bathroom.
Every girl is beautiful, sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it....
There could be literally thousands of chameleons in your house right now and you don`t even know it.
If a Donkey and Zebra ever mate they`d have to call the offspring a Zonkey because Debra is already taken.
I`ve just finished doing my hair, want to come over and mess it all up?
Man I love watching women`s curling in the Olympics. It`s the only time I get to drink beer while cheering on women sweeping and no one slaps me.
I`m disgusted by the thought of people updating their status while sitting on the toilet like I am right now.
You don`t have to drink to have fun... Just have fun drinking!
Good thing I`m judged on my actions and not my thoughts.