Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Anyone who believes that children are our future has not been to a mall recently.
I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a dog, or just a pizza.
Sometimes I think if it weren`t for the gutter my mind would be homeless...
Note to self... next time my wife asks what`s on tv, don`t say dust
Welcome to WebMD. Type quickly, you don`t have long.
Well, I`m really not sure what my spirt animal is but I`m sure it looks like road kill right about now.
Trying to figure out how to ask a girl on a first date of Netflix and pizza without sounding all serial killery
Next time you see someone you don`t like, begin conversation with "I see the assassins have failed."
*Australian accent* Notice the wife in her natural habitat shaming the male husband species into doing what she wants!
I’m not the kind of person you ever put on speaker phone.
"I want to be cuddled, but I want to be alone. Being crazy is hard." - WOMEN
Ever wondered why there’s no window in the airplane’s toilet? Because, really, who’s going to see in?
My most heavily used kitchen appliance is a fire extinguisher.
If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you. Knees to Chest, bitch, KNEES TO CHEST!!
I`d explain it to you again but I`m fresh out of crayons and puppets