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*wants to travel the world but has like 3 dollars*
Who else has dropped the phone on their face while laying in bed reading Facebook?
"It seemed like a good idea at the time"............................... An often used phrase in a lot of my memories.
I`m at the age where I need at least 3 weeks advance notice before doing anything spontaneous
I don`t mind my long commute, I just hate that it always brings me to work.
I bought my mother in-law one of those atomic clocks. I can`t wait for the alarm to go off.
Appearing on several episodes of Cops doesn`t make you a TV star.
Success is like pregnancy, everyone congratulates you but no one knows how many times you`ve been screwed to get there.
Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you
Must be nice to get married and finally know who the number one suspect in your murder case will be
I just saw a man salute the Budweiser truck on the highway. LMAO
I can`t wait to be rich so I can price things from high to low instead of low to high when shopping online.
Love makes the world go round, but alcohol makes it go round twice as fast!
When life throws you curveballs, swing at those motherf*ckers like Stevie Wonder with a lightsaber.
Sometimes when Iām feeling lonely, I head on over to Best Buy and pretend to know nothing about my phone.