Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
They don`t make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery.
if the shoe fits wear it , if it too tight take it off
If you don`t put your leftovers in Tupperware for like at least two weeks before throwing it in the trash... you`re doing it wrong.
Ever wanna tell someone to shut the f*ck up even when they are not speaking
Call me a hoarder if you want but don`t come crying to me when you need a 3 foot tall stack of mayonnaise jar labels.
I wonder what its like to fart in zero gravity. Does it like...propel you forward? These are things people need to know NASA
When I woke up this morning everything in my house had been stolen and replaced with exact replicas... WEIRD..
I met a lady named Polly once. She didn`t care for crackers, nor my sense of humor.
Why is it called mooning when you`re actually showing uranus?
I hate when the cops throw me in the back of the squad car like they didn’t hear me call shotgun.
The only toys I was allowed to play with in the tub were the dirty dishes.
It must suck when billionaires wake up feeling like a million bucks.
A Shout Out to all the beautiful women who don`t need to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! The rest of you, come with me.
That awkward moment when you can’t tell if it’s a Halloween costume or their regular clothes…
You can either wear granny panties OR yoga pants - not both. Pick one.