Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like Facebook in real life.
Bitches be trippin..... ok, maybe I pushed that one.
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found.
Doing word problems as a kid has helped me in adulthood. "Dan doesn`t have enough money for his bills, how long before he is homeless?"
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m an apple.
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
Facebook is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
New research reported that men enjoy snuggling. A second study showed that men will say anything to get a researcher into bed.
Euphoria....the feeling you get when you finally beat "that" level on Candy Crush.
If I look tired at the end of the day, it`s because I just spent eight solid hours looking busy.
A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!
I refuse to celebrate Earth Day until Wind & Fire are recognized.
If I had a crystal ball to see 5 years in the future, I would have 2020 vision.
According to the customer service, the cable guy should be here sometime between 10:00 a.m. and the return of Christ.
24 astronauts were born in Ohio.....What is it about that state that makes people want to flee the Earth?