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How to find the perfect husband: Play monopoly with him. if he chooses the iron, he`s the one
condoms prevent minivans
Remember, You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.
I always confuse the words exotic and erotic. That made for a very awkward conversation at my local pet store.
I`m getting really tired of being really tired of stuff.
“Shh.. Do you hear that?” “What? I heard nothing.” “Exactly, it’s the sound of no one caring.”
My sister says god`s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers, so I bought her a vibrator because she`s obviously never had an orgasm.
The best thing about being single is all the sleeping around you can do…I can sleep all over my bed!
You can dress for success or undress for it. It depends on what type of work you want.
None of my coworkers get why I have fishbowl with no fish. It`s because fish can`t survive in my secret reservoir of vodka.
Every paper towel commercial just reminds me that the cleanest option is to just not have children.
I see you posted a photograph of snow with the caption "it`s cold" could you tell me more about that
I`m sorry if I come across as crude, outspoken, and opinionated. That`s only because I am crude, outspoken, and opinionated.
Be nice to people on your way up so they won’t get suspicious when you’re rich and you invite them to your island to hunt them for sport.
Apparently, driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn`t `funny` and is technically `wasting` police time