Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
you know....I must be drop dead sexy because....cashiers are always checking me out….
Hey, Dude who flips me off for honking at him in the parking lot, your groceries are on top of your car.
Telling a girl to calm down is like trying to baptize a cat.
When the sign says: DO NOT TOUCH I read: Touch when nobody is looking.
If you`re happy and you know it, thank your ex.
Finding friends with the same disorder as you... priceless!
I was looking all over for my ambition today......well, It wasn`t under this 12 pack, so I`ll look tomorrow.
Just printed out 50 copies of today`s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I`m just not in the mood for small talk.
The best thing about hand sanitiser is that when you put it on, it looks like you are plotting to take over the world.
It`s a small world, but I wouldn`t want to paint it.
I believe in karma which means I can do bad things to people all day long and just assume they deserve it.
I just want you to be happy…and maybe a little bit naked.
Today I recently discovered how to make my p@nis 12"...I just fold that b!tch in half.
My home security system is just 15 motion-activated Big Mouth Billy Basses.
Yawning is the body`s way of saying `10% Battery Remaining`.