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I thought Match .com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it`s a website to find love. So I was close.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do!
If you check Page 4, Paragraph 16, Subsection (d), right after the section on Video Game usage, but before the Book Report Procrastination provision and the No Face Piercings, Ever Amendment , you will that see that I am, in fact, and I quote: "the boss of you."
I slept like a rock last night, meaning I woke up in the flower bed with the house key under my belly.
Make a random stranger`s day by walking up to them and saying "This isn`t real. You have to wake up"
I always tell my kids that it`s ok to make mistakes as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.
I broke my finger today. But on the other hand I`m fine.
I always try to behave but there are usually too many other options.
I don`t wanna be told what to do unless I`m naked
People really need to get with the times. Smartphones are not for talking anymore.
Odd how all the `intelligent life finding instruments` are pointed away from earth.
I have nothing to update. I`m just making it look like I`m doing something at a party so people won`t talk to me.
I always wear a wedding ring when I go grocery shopping, so everyone thinks my cart full of groceries are for a family of 4 instead of just me
LIFE HACK: Sneak into doctor`s waiting rooms instead of subscribing to magazines.
Write me your opinions on this extra soft paper and leave it next to my toilet.