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If you watch COPS backwards it`s just a bunch of people overcoming miraculous obstacles to win free drugs
I was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer.
I was getting really depressed today but then I realized double cheeseburgers exist
How many facebook friends do you have that if they posted "I`m depressed and on the edge", your first thought would be to poke them?
Give a fish something for once for f*cks sake
You know that 200-foot high expansion bridge you drove over today? Just remember that it was built by the lowest bidder.
Never look at your beer as half-empty. Look at it as you’re halfway to your next beer.
It really freaks me out that I have a skeleton living inside me......
DID YOU KNOW: If every person on the planet lined up along the Earth`s equator, most of them would drown.
My stalker twisted his ankle, so now I have to walk slower for 2-3 weeks.
If there’s one thing that I’ve learned it’s, that I should have learned way more than one thing.
There are plenty of fish in the sea ...That`s cool and all....but I`m a human.
There is a special place in Hell for people who stop at yellow lights.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
You can’t please everyone, so you might as well just concentrate on me.