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I’ve probably wasted a solid year of my life just staring into the fridge.
And then her mood ring just...exploded
How do amish girls know if its a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular candle lit dinner.
Should all acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind, should all acquaintance be forgot and somebody refill my wine.
Maybe Mondays are not that bad. Maybe its your job that sucks balls.
Saw someone try and park a car for about 10 minutes. I didn’t see the person so I’m not going to assume what gender she was.
Do midgets still start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"
People are way less judgmental when you say you had an "avocado salad" instead of saying you ate a bowl of guacamole.
There`s a time and a place for alcohol ... In my hand and now.
I`d hit that. - women drivers
Just stopped by my old high school and updated my phone number on all the bathroom stalls.
My sex life is like a Ferrari ... I don`t have a Ferrari
I was born to be happy… not normal.
Now that cell phones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again...
What the world needs is a self help movie, cause lets face it, most of us won`t buy the book.