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To those that manufacture and market tight, thin yoga pants to fit college girls; I love you man.
Before we start this relationship, I am going to need you to explain a few pics in your Facebook albums.
Being a man in biblical times must’ve been hard. You’re busy then your wife says, “Someone parted the Red Sea & you’re here watching sheep.”
If you don’t cuss when you drive you aren’t paying enough attention to the road.
Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a super-villain.
Just so I`m sure to make friends, I like to walk in the bar carrying a handful of phone chargers.
I bet everyone in Gotham prisons really hates the guy that killed Bruce Wayne`s parents.
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend
So far, I`ve had exactly "call my ex" number of beers tonight!!!
I don`t have a police record ... but I think I do have a Sting cd around here somewhere.
I am not particularly bad at cooking but how long is pasta supposed to stay in the toaster ?
Emails from your boss assigning you work do not qualify as cyber bullying. I checked.
Your girlfriend is rated E... For Everyone
My dad use to take me to the circus to see the clowns, freakshows and the bearded lady. Now... I can see them anytime shopping at Walmart.
My wife looks super hot without glasses. That’s why I stopped wearing them.